Okay, it's time to lay down the law. There were some cool things about the 80s. A couple good Talking Heads albums (and Stop Making Sense). Midnight Run. The Untouchables. The Berlin Wall fucked off this mortal coil. But let's not kid ourselves; that was about it. The rest of the decade fucking sucked. Maybe it's all John Hinckley's fault for having shitty aim, maybe it's more complicated than that, maybe I'm being a little severe, but fuck it, this is a fiat from the Minister of Culture: 80s nostalgia is hereby punishable by death as of this moment. Why are some of the perfectly reasonable things to remember and enjoy from the 80s being punished? This trailer.
This is one of the single worst things that has ever existed, of any sort, forget movie trailers, or even movies. What has it been, six years since Topher Grace was in a movie? He used to be really fucking good. What the fuck is this fucking bullshit? Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? WHY DOES THIS EXIST? WHO ARE THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? WHERE IS MY FIRING SQUAD? KHAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!
The writers of That 70s Show wrote this picture, so the same people who gave Topher Grace his start will be responsible for his finish as well, which is a far more elegant bit of symmetry than anything that appears in this bullshit fucking trailer. It actually makes perfect sense that the That 70s Show people are responsible for this, with the shallow, stupid substitution of namechecking for historical detail; this almost seems like it was something John Hughes wrote in the depths of a late-80s smack binge that his agent managed to keep quiet, until it was found, punched up by a sitcom writer and directed by those Epic Movie Felcher Seltzerberg fuckfaces.
(Ed. Note: obviously, you can't tell everything about a movie from its trailer. I wouldn't presume to. But goddamnit man. I'm sorry you all had to see this, but we all need to be aware that no matter how bad we think modern culture can get, it can always get worse.)
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