THE AWESOME SIX-MINUTE CLOUD ATLAS TRAILER YOU REALLY OUGHTTA WATCH

Hooooooooooly smokes. Thanks in advance for the birthday present, Wachowski/Tykwer/Wachowski. (It releases on my birthday, is what that means.) This looks like something we're all gonna get in massive fights about, but I gotta say based on this I want to see this fuckin thing six ways from Sunday. Time will tell if I ever actually get around to finishing this book: been trying for six goddamn years now.

(h/t The Playlist)

A DISPATCH FROM OUR ANDHRA PRADESH OFFICE

So, yeah, basic run-of-the-mill Telugu love story . . . then . . . WHAT THE SWEET LIVING FUCK? I actually want to see this without subtitles when it comes out, just because I don't want the experience to be sullied by actually knowing what's going on. (Oh, and this has no apparent connection to the Richard Kiel MST3K classic Eegah, as far as I can tell; maybe the thing with the bug is a metaphorical inversion of Richard Kiel's height or something.)

I YIELD THE FLOOR TO THE GENTLEMAN FROM FILMDRUNK

I saw the Mission Impossible 4 trailer the other day, and was considering writing it up until this post on FilmDrunk made that completely unnecessary. Goddamn that's funny.

IN THE RACE FOR STUPIDEST TRAILER OF ALL TIME....A CHALLENGER APPEARS....

The great Charlie Jane Anders said, "Wow. This could actually be the worst movie of McG's career." I would donate a testicle to see that be a pull quote on this poster. I mean . . . holy shit. We might have to pull the plug on Western civilization. Anything that makes one long for the halcyon days of Terminator: Salvation's lucidity and intelligence is just . . . wow . . .

THIS YEAR'S BIG OSCAR SLEEPER

This right here's called The Artist. When it comes out here in the US people are going to lose their fucking shit over this movie. Rightly so, this trailer is forty shades of awesome, and apparently it's a pale shadow of the movie itself. You heard it here first (unless you were at Cannes or something).

BROTHER WILL FIGHT BROTHER

I don't know a whole lot about this movie, but it's got Tom Hardy (who owns), Joel Edgerton (ibid), and Cameron from House (well . . . she rents, she doesn't own). But this picture offers us the spectacle of the second-coolest cat in Inception (silvering to Joseph Gordon-Levitt in that is not an embarrassment) and the guy who was so cool in Animal Kingdom we thought he was the lead until he got killed (WHOOPS SPOILER ALERT LOLZIES) beating the shit out of each other in MMA fights. So there's that.

Warrior releases Sept. 9th.

COMING ATTRACTIONS (HAHAHAHAHAHA HE SAID "COMING....")

Oh man I cannot fucking WAIT. Joyeux Noel, motherfuckers!

TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, OWNAGE

Oh, HELL yes. Everybody British is in this, espionage (from a novel by John le Carre, the best of the best at that), and cool 70s clothes? Sign me up. In my own blood.

By the way, while we're at it, the fact that Gary Oldman is starting to look like Bill Nighy is fun and everything, but give him a fucking Oscar already. You hear me, Academy? Gary Oldman not having an Oscar is proof that something is dreadfully, horribly wrong. You shall taste the wrath of the righteous should this apostate heathenry go on any longer.

FOR YOUR GENDER-PROGRESSIVE OWNAGE NEEDS

Ah, Steven Soderbergh. You do genre pictures so gloriously well. And, let's not forget, he has a history with getting good performances out of non-professional actresses in lead roles. There was Debbie Doebereiner in Bubble, who was the manager of a KFC in West Virginia before they made the movie, and was fucking awesome in it (seriously, Bubble is terrific and you all should see it). There was Sasha Grey in The Girlfriend Experience; a lot of people gave her shit for her flat line readings but she held the center of that movie and it was a lot better than most people gave it credit for (and really, a considerable amount of the scoffing was people's prejudice against porn stars in particular and sex workers in general). And, of course, there was Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich (BOOM HEADSHOT no but seriously Julia Roberts was really good in Erin Brockovich).

So, Gina Carano. She has IRL martial arts skills, which gives her a (quite shapely) leg up on Angelina Jolie. I have optimism. But also, I'm looking forward to seeing the performance Steven Soderbergh manages to coax out of Bill Paxton. Am I actually going to be forced to admit that Bill Paxton gave a good performance in something? I'll salute Soderbergh and writer Lem Dobbs because, damn, that'd be an achievement.

YOU GIVE RYAN GOSLING FIVE MINUTES, HE'LL GIVE YOU TWO HOURS OF OWNAGE

More Drive (2011) Videos

Do I need to say anything? Not really. We should take heed of the fact that this is an action movie that's apparently so fucking dope it won Best Director at Cannes. But other than that, nah. Just watch that trailer again. And look at that fucking cast. Christ on a Cornish hen.